Friday, May 18, 2007

Soccer Thongs For East Europe

Last week's charity football match between a Thong Society 11 versus as team of Thong manufacturers ended with a 2-0 scoreline for our team. We'd like to congratulate the team and captain Dennis Murray, who scored the first goal and set up the second.

'This proves that the thong is as good as an atheletic support when worn correctly,' he told reporters for the Evening Standard, which ran a feature of the event in today's edition.

The football match was in aid of relief for the oldest manufacturer of thongs in East Europe, whose warehouse was recently destroyed in a fire. As guardian of the thong and g-string industry, the Society is forwarding £2,300 to the company as part of an aid package.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Hard Luck Henrietta

After three months of trying, Henrietta Tarbuck today finally announced that her attempt to walk the length of the country wearing only a thong and a digital wristwatch has ended in failure.

The plucky Society walker had reached Newcastle before her thong finally gave way early on Sunday morning, thereby bringing a premature end to what has been one of the Society's most ground breaking ventures.

'I wanted to prove that a single thong could go much further than any other type of underwear,' explained the valiant Henrietta. 'I think that's what I proved, by walking nearly one hundred miles further than the previous long distance thong walk.'

Meanwhile, Henrietta's father has been admitted to hospital after complaining that his bicycle seat had undone stitches from a recent operation. 'I thought a pair of Y fronts would hold everything in, he admitted. 'Now the doctors tell me that I should have been wearing something tight and minimal. I should probably have worn a thong.'

To Henrietta this is a good resolution, despite the early end of the walk. 'If father now admits that I'm wearing the best underwear possible, all this will have been worth it,' she said.